One Fry at a Time

Emma Garcia, Online Editor

According to Time magazine’s “The Answer Issue,” 49 percent of Americans over 14 went to McDonald’s in March 2013. They also say that for 75 percent of Americans, the nearest McDonald’s is three miles away. Finally they say that if the current trend continues, by the year 2048, 100 percent of Americans will be overweight or obese.

My conclusion? McDonald’s is slowly taking over the world to achieve their final goal of nationwide obesity, one delicious fry at a time.

We all have tried McDonald’s fries (if you haven’t I would tell you to go right now and get some but that would contradict my message, so stay where you are). Personally I don’t really like fries, or potatoes in general, but I make an exception for MD’s. They’re salty and warm and just delicious.
It makes me very worried for the fate of our country.

How are we, already a nation known for obesity, supposed to refuse the inflated proportion sized, salty crunchy fries bringing, sweet tea serving, golden arches? Just thinking about it makes me hungry and I’m in a healthy weight range. We’re screwed.

I said one time that life goes like this: eat a large McDonald’s fry, feel fat, lose self-esteem, feel the need for comfort food, eat a large McDonald’s fry. If I wasn’t so scared (and hungry) I would be pissed at McDonald’s but I’m almost in awe. How genius it was to go after us with something that tastes great but inadvertently kills us?

Think about it, cigarettes give you lung cancer, pot makes you lose brain cells, but fries? Fries are for the quick snack, to complete a lunch when you have no money for anything else, for single parents to keep their kids happy when not even the Frozen soundtrack will do, for late night cramming sessions, they’re there for us no matter what we’re feeling as we get to the drive-thru. If only they didn’t kill us.

So, dear reader, please put down the fries. Eat an apple. Run around the block. Together, we can beat this. Together, we can take down the Communist plot we call McDonald’s.