Satire: College Applications

Satire: College Applications

Jessica Rodrigues, Photography Editor

So, the date that college applications are allowed to be submitted are just around the corner. The personal statements and thousands of extensive questions about every single activity you did and grade you received in high school are due. But this should be no problem to finish because of course you were focused on this for your entire two week fall break (along with your 20 page senior project research paper) as your English teacher instructed so you should already be ready to submit the instant the applications open up.

Looking at your transcript you feel a sense of accomplishment as you know you completed all required academic courses that colleges are looking for and looking at your bedroom wall you can’t help but smile at all the sports awards you earned and clubs you were apart of. But the second after you click “Submit My Application,” anxiety will set in making you question yourself, “What if I had changed the verb tense in this sentence of my personal statement?” or “What if I said I did 30 hours of community service junior year and instead of 29 and a half?!”

You’ll ask, “Would those have gotten me in and made me stand out amongst the other applicants?” Then you’ll begin the glorious waiting period for about five months as a group of admissions officers compare and evaluate your application in regards to the other 2 million students all desperately trying to get accepted to the college of their dreams as well. Then after the long period of waiting for whether your future will be as you expected or not, you’ll finally get an email in March from each portal for the colleges you applied to. This is the make it or break it moment when the email will either begin with “Congratulations” or “We’re sorry to inform you that…” A simple email probably less than a page that won’t tell you why you were accepted or why you weren’t accepted but just lets you know their supreme opinion over your future.

Sometimes they’re ever so generous as to leave you in limbo by putting you on the waiting list which is an option that allows you the life-changing decision of determining whether you want to risk it and accept their “maybe we’ll let you go here” offer which they don’t let you know until May when it is already too late to accept to other schools that did actually accept you.

Then, once you receive all of your college’s responses, you get to let all of your family and friends know the good or potentially bad news. Social gatherings will become centered around the topic of where you got accepted and where you will or won’t be going to college. The last few months of high school will consist of announcements and postings near the office that tell you about all the students who got into prestigious Ivy League schools and won full-ride scholarships. All of the college attire you own will either turn into realistic school pride or will remain a distant dream as you age past your college years. But hey, at least the application process will be behind you and you’ll never have to write another personal statement that sums up your entire life’s work in 500 words again.

So don’t forget to mark your calendar for all those important life-altering moments and get ready for an unforgettable senior year!