Satire: Red Cup Controversy


Jessica Machado, Staff Writer

Every year, Starbucks releases a special Christmas-themed cup to commemorate the Christmas season. This season, they caused several new hashtags to be created, both anti- and pro-Starbucks, and started a huge social media controversy dubbed the “red-cup controversy.”

In midst of the latest Starbucks red-cup controversy, I have realized one thing and one thing only: Starbucks hates Jesus. That’s right, boys and girls, your favorite place to get a hot beverage is full of a bunch of Jesus haters.

In past years, Starbucks has always put cute, Christmas designs on their cups. This year is different. They just have a red cup. No pretty designs. No Merry Christmas to be seen. Therefore, the omission of Merry Christmas and any Christmas designs proves that they hate Christmas and Jesus as well.

This act of defiance can be seen as a futile effort to conform to our politically correct society. The wise Joshua Feuerstein, a former television and radio evangelist, commented on the issue at hand.

“I think in the age of political correctness we’ve become so open-minded our brains have literally fallen out of our head.” Feuerstein said one of his videos on Facebook where he has over 1.8 million followers. “Did you realize that Starbucks wanted to take Christ and Christmas off of their brand new cups? That’s why they are just plain red.”

This war they are waging on Christmas is unacceptable. Starbucks is trying to do away with Christianity and our beloved savior. How can this company so blatantly disrespect the religion that America was built upon? How can anyone condemn their actions?

Starbucks must be stopped. I propose that the Christian community all ban together and take matters into our own hands. We must stop Starbucks from ruining Christmas! We will accomplish our goal of destroying Starbucks like we have in any other situation in history: by blatantly disregarding our moral values and everything we stand for as Christians in order to justify why we must and will purge the Earth of non-believers and non-conformers, such as the Starbucks Corporation and its supporters.

Christians, here me when I say we will never pay tribute to Starbucks’ anti-Christmas movement nor will we ever forgive their red cups. We will never step foot into another Starbucks ever again! It is not #JustACup. We should #boycottstarbucks, not praise them for their “political correctness.” Starbucks should write ‘Merry Christmas’ on every cup instead of names to invigorate the holiday spirit within us all. Christmas should be celebrated by everyone in America because it is politically incorrect to disregard the importance of our religion in the foundations of our country. These red cups do not inspire creativity as the executives will say they do; the cups only promote hate of all things Christian.

I can conclude that Starbucks, being so anti-Christian by refusing to celebrate the birth of Christ the Lord our savior, must, therefore, be a part of a bigger organization that is trying to destroy all parts of Christian life: ISIS.