Honest Rant

David Hancock, Staff Writer

Dear the few people who actually read blogs,

So apparently I’m a blogger. It’s strange because to me bloggers are all fedora-wearing hipsters who write on their anything-but-Apple laptops while stroking their goatees and drinking coffee. I hate wearing hats, have absolutely no facial hair, get sick from drinking coffee, and write primarily on my iPhone; yet I am a blogger. I very seldom ever imagined myself as a writer, and when I did I was writing cute and funny little columns in a newspaper about the misadventures of my golden retriever. A blog is defined as a web article where one writes in an informal or conversational style. So, I’m on the web, and I’m talking to you, so I guess this is a blog. Don’t call me a blogger though, just, no.
If you haven’t already guessed it, I hate hipsters. I hate them for one reason: superficiality. Even superficiality sounds superficial. Whatever, hipsters are liars. So actually, I hate liars. Like, if someone actually likes fedoras and coffee and goatee then that’s cool, but if someone is trying to be a hipster it’s just annoying. It’s annoying if anyone tries to be anything they’re not. I’d rather people be themselves even if they’re terrible people than if they lie about being great and are still terrible people.
Unless masked assailants are torturing you for information you can’t share or you honest-to-God don’t know, there is no logical reason on Earth to lie. Ever! I mean, just why? Why lie? Did you learn nothing from Pinocchio?!? Even if it’s a friend asking you if those jeans make their butt look big just be honest! A real friend would be honest! And why do people act fake towards someone they don’t like? If you hate them tell them why, get up in their face, maybe even yell if you have to — just get it out and get over it. It’s better than fake smiling at someone you despise forever.
Honesty honestly makes things better. The truth is the truth! Why is that so hard for people to get? A lie doesn’t change anything, it just makes everything more complicated. If you dump someone and lie about why it’s just wrong and ends up hurting more than just hard truth would. Don’t say, “It’s not you, it’s me,” if it is actually their fault! Just tell them why so maybe they could fix it or just know for sure why it didn’t work out instead of having to guess.
I believe that the truth is never wrong. How can it be, it’s the truth? Even if it’s somewhat insulting, brutal honesty is better than the sweetest lie. If you can, try and be sweetly honest, but if you can’t (or just choose not to out of spite) it is still better than lying. Lying helps no one, solves no problems, and changes nothing.
I am a blogger. I probably write more than I should and don’t make a whole lot of sense, but 100 percent of what I write is honest. My dear readers, I may insult you, I may annoy you, and I may be so frustratingly stupid that you end up wondering why you ever read anything I write; for that I am sorry. But readers, I will never lie to you. Honesty really is the best policy. Tell your friends. Maybe together we can help change this dishonest world.
Honestly,
David Hancock