Rant Rant

David Hancock, Staff Writer

My dear readers,
First of all, I stole that from Jane Eyre, a book that I never read and still wrote an essay about in my English class. I got a B on it, which is pretty good considering. Anyways, today I’m going to rant about rants.
So lately, all my blog posts have been angry, frustrated, annoyed, or generally pissed off rants about whatever was bothering me that day. When I write in that state of mind I feel like there’s a fire in my heart that burns through my fingers and bellows out of my mouth in some mystical storm of well-worded fury. Which is great for me as a writer. I’ll get “triggered” and then I have to, not want to, HAVE to write about it. Most of my previous rants were written on my phone through a whirlwind of thumbs and peppered with the ugly remnants of auto-correct.
Now don’t get me wrong, rants are a great thing. A rant, although arising from misfortune, is a great symbol of true friendship (or at least close proximity, for those who get unfortunately caught in someone else’s rant storm). Ranting by nature creates a sense of friendship, relatability, and comfort as it feels releasing to share one’s inner thoughts and allow oneself to be vulnerable to another person. Listening to a rant creates a connection as well, as the listener instantly morphs into a confidant as the ranter exposes deeper and deeper into their more personal side. Ranting is a great form of blowing off steam and in the end leaves the person who ranted feeling cooled with release and the person who listened warm with trust.
The problem with writing in rants is that I rely on something problematic happening in my life to give me good material, and that sucks! I’m sure I’ll come up with a lot of other crap to complain about throughout the year, but I don’t just want to complain all the time; because the occasional rant from a friend is good, but too much and you just want to smack them and tell them to get over it.
So I write to you now, my dear readers, in a perfectly calm state of mind and attempting to manufacture the same fire that has fueled my previous rants. Already I’m noticing changes in my writer’s voice: fewer exclamation points and all capital sentences, fewer sarcastic tone, more metaphors, and overall more sophisticated wording. Plus I don’t sound mad.
I’m attempting to show a different side of me, which is something I think all of us feel. We all have a side of us that we show to the world and a side that we reserve for only those closest to us. Most the time people are calm in public and rant in private, but I’m weird so I do the opposite of that. I show the world the fire inside of me so everyone knows how hot I can burn but only a few ever get to feel the slightly less intense embers of my calm self. Well, I say calm, as calm for me is still passionate and hyper.
I know. It’s crazy, right? There’s a side of David that isn’t mad at something. If it turns out that you guys like this side of me I’ll write more like this, and if not, don’t despair! Like the Hulk from the Avengers movie, I have a secret method of controlling my ranting rage…

Calmly,
David Hancock