School Survival Guide To: High School

David Hancock, Staff Writer

Dear unfortunate readers,
To be honest guys, I’m sorry I volunteered to write about tips to help you survive high school, I seriously have no idea. I don’t have the key to surviving high school. I mean, all the advice I have is from times my own dumb decisions have bitten me in the ass, so if you take my advice and it bites you in the ass, I’m sorry.

First of all, know yourself. Know your limits, your likes, your dislikes, your talents, your flaws, your potential, your purpose. If you know all of these you probably won’t make all the stupid mistakes I’ve made throughout high school. If you know yourself then you’ll be able to foresee what situations you should or should not involve yourself in and how they will turn out. If you know that you hate swimming, you will know that you will be miserable if you join water polo and probably won’t join water polo.

Knowing yourself can help you avoid being entrapped in unfortunate commitments, but sometimes you have no choice in the matter. Sometimes you will (despite your continuing complaints) be stuck with a teacher, coach, director, club president, or another tyrannical figure who “has it out for you.” If you find yourself in that predicament: confirm it, first of all. Address the problem directly with your oppressor, and if that settles the situation then great! But if you try again and again to make peace but the tyrant still wants to shut you down: stand strong! Don’t let anyone walk over you, but always, always, be respectful. Be firm and faultless in your actions and history will prove you right. Don’t ever “go off” on someone in charge of you, but don’t be a wuss and just take the crap they throw at you. Know that your time, your opinion, and your life has value, no matter what someone else may tell you.

If you find yourself taking on the whole world on your own: stop! You will die! No man is an island, you NEED people who have your back when you need it. Be it family, friends, teachers, or teammates; having a squad in your corner will always help tilt the odds in your favor during the fight. And even if you lose whatever battle you were in, at least you have some friends who will carry your lifeless and defeated body off the battleground and back to your favorite burger joint, where they’ll buy you a hamburger and a shake and tell you it’s all gonna be alright.

True friends will always have your back. If your “friends” desert you when you need them most, sorry, but they’re not true friends. You can still be cool with them, but “friends” will disappoint. And I’m sorry, but I can’t help you discern the real friends from the fake friends. That is something you have to find out for yourself, and it is a painful lesson to learn. High school is the crucible for friendship, and many fail the test. Those who pass, however, are stronger, closer, and better friends than you ever even imagined you would have.

Remember, friendship is a two way street. If you don’t believe me listen to the “Friends” theme song. You can’t expect people to be there for you if you’re a flake, and if your friend is a flake be there for them anyways. That just proves you as the better friend and person, so rub it in their face. Ask forgiveness for your flakiness, as you forgive those who flake against you. Be true to your friends, and put them above other things in your life. And no, that doesn’t mean party and forget school, but if your friend is having a really rough time take a break from your video games or study for an hour less and buy them ice cream. I promise you the regret you feel for getting a C on that test or missing out on getting the enchanted sword of whatever will be less than the regret you feel for abandoning your friend in their time of crisis.

So basically, high school is when you find yourself, so go and find it. I’ve told you how it worked for me, but your path is your own to walk. Still ask for help though, and please don’t listen to everything I’ve said, I’m a pretty bad example. Your school survival is up to you. Just go.

I hope this helped,
David Hancock