Dogs are Better than People

David Hancock, Staff writer

Dear humans,

In a lot of cultures, being called a “dog” is a huge disgrace. Dogs are associated with the dirt and being lowly and mangy. We’ve all seen movies set in some ancient culture where a character is called a dog and then probably slapped or spit on afterwards. Even here in America, being called a female dog (more commonly known as b****) offends almost everyone. No one want to be called a dog, but we all seem to forget that dogs are awesome!

I’ve had two dogs in my life. My first dog was a b**** named Mollie and my current dog is a son-of-a-b**** named Shadow. Both are golden retrievers and both are the greatest dogs ever. Mollie was like a doggy grandma to me before she died, and Shadow has been my closest companion throughout middle and high school. My dogs have made even bad day a little better, and ever great day even greater! Everyone loves my dogs, even people who were deathly afraid of dogs have learned to love dogs because of Mollie and Shadow. I’ve been lucky to have such great dogs.

Dogs are kind, loyal, caring, compassionate, fluffy, adorable, and just loving overall. A dog doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, smart or stupid, hot or ehh. A dog doesn’t lie, doesn’t hold grudges, and doesn’t abandon you when you need them. A dog will never betray you as long as you love it like it deserves. A dog is a loyal companion and a loving servant, and they always listen when you tell them about your day (trust me, I do that a lot). Dogs are man’s best friend, and even if that man has no other friends in his life- he will always have his dog.

Dogs are great, we should be proud if someone calls us a dog. To be called a dog is to be called loyal, loving, considerate, and a best friend. I don’t know how “dog” became an insult, but let’s change that. Let’s call all of our best friends dogs. If your friend brings you some food, call them a dog! If your teacher cuts you some slack instead of failing you like you deserved, look them in the face and call them a b****! When your boyfriend or girlfriend does something sweet, pay their head and say “good doggie.”

Humans can learn a lot from dogs. If we acted more like dogs no one would be lonely, no one would feel unwanted, no one would feel unloved. If we were more like dogs we’d put each other first and we’d move past the things that divide us. We wouldn’t discriminate, wouldn’t judge, wouldn’t hate. If people were more like dogs the world would be a great place. Let’s make America great again. Shadow for president!

Sincerely,
David Hancock