I’m Fine

David Hancock, Staff Writer

Dear concerned people,

I’m fine. Really, I am. Thanks for asking, but it’s ok, I’m fine.

I realize that I’m not acting like I’m fine. It’s easier to see when I’m having an off day because I’m usually really loud and smiling all the time, so when I calm down and act like an average human being, or god forbid act quieter than the average human being, it seems like it’s worse than it really is. But it’s not, I’m fine.

I actually have days like this a lot. Sure, sometimes it’s because something happened, but sometimes I just get tired of talking. Sometimes I just need to recharge. It can get hard being all loud and talkative all the time, and if I’ve had an eventful weekend or didn’t sleep enough or didn’t have my much-needed escape to Skyrim over the weekend, I might need a day of being quiet David.

I’m not usually one to hold back on sharing my feelings. That is, unless they really matter. That’s not healthy, by the way, I’ll admit that. That’s actually why therapy (yes, I said therapy. I’ll admit that too) didn’t really work for me because I told my therapist just enough to make him believe I was being open and addressing my issues, but I wasn’t really. I told more to my friends than my therapist, actually. I just couldn’t open up to him. I didn’t trust him.

I don’t think I have trust issues. Well, I guess no one really thinks they have issues that they really have, so maybe I do. I mean, I don’t normally hide things from people, especially people I’m close to; but sometimes I just don’t wanna talk about it.

That’s how you know it’s really bad. If something is kinda upsetting me I’ll rant about it, either to my friends or to my blog; but if something really upsets me I don’t talk about it or anything else, for that matter. Last summer was really hard for me. My grandfather dying is the only part I’ll mention here, so you know if that’s what I’m willing to talk about, then what I’m not saying is probably a lot worse.

Talking helps, sometimes. It’s always good to get feelings out, but if nothing’s happening to change my situation there’s no point to talking besides venting. I’ve talked enough at this point, and nothing’s changed, so I don’t wanna talk anymore.

I know this is a lot more depressing than my usual posts, but don’t worry, it’ll get better. It always does, but for now it’s not. And still, no, I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.

If I say it enough, maybe it’ll become true.

David Hancock