What the hell did I do?!?! What have I done to deserve all this crap that’s coming my way? Aren’t you supposed to have my back, be on my side, protect me? Don’t you care!?!?
And yeah, I’m seriously doubting you right now. Well guess what, I’m allowed to do that. How do I know? It’s in the Bible, so HA! In your face! Basically half of the book of Job is Job roasting you for ruining his life, and if he’s allowed to do that so am I.
You remember Job, right? He was that guy who has a good life and was a good person who followed you faithfully. And then the Devil came up to you and was like, “Yo God, I can break this fool,” and you were all like, “Pssssh, I doubt it,” and the Devil was all like, “BET!” so you did, and then you let the Devil literally ruin Job’s life. Really cool God.
So God, are you pulling a Job on me? Is the Devil throwing crap into my life because you think I’m strong enough to take it? If so, please tell me, because then I can call you out for using me as a freaking lab rat!
I don’t get what you were trying to prove with Job. I mean, he believed in you, you had him, so why would you let him slip away? I thought you loved us, so why do you make it so hard for us to follow you? I mean, I know you don’t want it to be easy and you want our faith in you to be true, but why do you make it so damn hard?
In the past few years I’ve lost almost everything I care about: my grandpa, theater, my best friend, and now track; and why are you letting this happen? I’ve been good! I haven’t drank or smoked or slept around with girls. I’ve gone to church and been good in school and done community service and I always hold doors open, so why!?!? Why me? Why all this crap? Why are you making my life difficult?
Job came through in the end and he remained faithful to you, but do you really think that I can be as strong as him? Am I strong enough to handle the pressure of this life or will I break? I mean, you’re God, so I guess you’re allowed to push me, who who does it help if you push me too far and I break?
Sometime I don’t even want to follow you anymore. I’ll always believe in you because I’ve already gone too far down this rabbit hole, so it’s not like I’ll just pretend you don’t exist. But that doesn’t mean I’ll follow you. I can be bad. I’ll get turnt at parties and do cocaine and get a girl pregnant and then rob a liquor store or something, just to defy you. Yeah, I can totally do that.
And I’ll lie, mostly about how I’m going to do all this bad stuff but really I’m still devoted to you.
So God, you got me to still follow you, you jerk. Just know that I’m not too happy about it right now.