David Hancock, Staff Writer

Dear millennials,

I’ve never really liked coffee.

I know like 80% of Americans are literal zombies without their morning cup of Joe, but I never got into it. I remember sipping coffee with my dad back when he still read the newspaper every morning and I was small enough to sit on his lap, but even then we were drinking milk with coffee, not the other way around. My dad’s a super lightweight when it comes to coffee, and I am even more so. Caramel frappuccinos are a strong drink to me.

Despite having no love for coffee, I go on coffee dates all the time. My drink is a caramel latte, if you were wondering (hint, hint).

The reason I like coffee even though I don’t like coffee is that I’m bad at using social media. Doesn’t really seem like those things should correlate, but when have I ever made sense during a blog? Just wait, it’ll make sense by the end.

Like I said, I’m trash at social media. I have a Twitter and an Instagram and all that, but I’m just bad at using them. Not only do I only post once in a blue moon, I check other people’s posts even less often. Social media is meant to connect people to their friend’s lives, so you know I’m bad at it when I know almost nothing at all about what’s going on in anyone’s life.

It’s not that I don’t care about my friends and family and everyone else I’m connected with, it’s just that I don’t care about your posts or tweets or snaps or whatever. I mean, I seriously don’t understand how everyone else keeps up with literally every tweet and every picture and every story everyone posts every single day. Just the pure size of all that information is boggling! Also, I don’t really care enough.

Sorry guys, but I couldn’t care less about your dinner. I don’t care what he said or she said, and I’m not gonna take the time to figure out who you were talking about when you tweeted, “Never gonna trust them again,” or, “Can’t believe they did me like that,” or any of that other subtweet crap that’s apparently a big deal. I’m not involved in Twitter drama, or maybe I am, I wouldn’t know because it all goes right over my head.

That’s why I drink coffee. I do care about my friend’s lives, really, I just can’t figure out social media. I like to talk to people; I probably talk too much. I’m ok with a text or a phone call too if someone wants to tell me about a their recent relationship crisis or just about their day, but coffee dates are the best.

I think coffee is more honest than Twitter. I can’t tell what someone’s really feeling by looking at a screen, but when I see your face I know exactly what’s up (usually). I want to see your smile, your frown, your tears, your laugh. I want to see you! I want to get coffee.

Go get coffee with your friends, or at the very least talk to them. It’s kinda nice.

David Hancock