When I was 9 years old, I asked for a guinea pig, and I got one (to my dismay my sisters named him Twinkle Skywalker). When I was 11 years old, my Hunger Games obsessed self asked for a bow and arrow, and I got one. When I was 14 years old, I asked for a typewriter, and, surprise, I got one. Throughout the years, you have persistently answered my letters and given me most things I’ve asked for. Now, at 16 years old, I write this final letter to you asking this: For the love of god please give me money and a will to live.
Not to be cynical, but I think the phrase “money can’t buy you happiness” is a complete lie told by people who have never actually been in the position where they wonder if they’ll be able to pay the rent or are unsure of where their next meal is coming from. Society is essentially run by money, and those who have loads of it are at the top of the food chain. I’m not asking to be rich; all I’m asking for is enough money to pay for my future ridiculously overpriced college tuition. In this day and age, it’s hard enough to get into a good university, even if you do have adequate grades, but having to afford the tens of thousands of dollars it costs to attend the university is even harder. Now, don’t call me out and be all like “just get good grades and scholarships so you don’t have to pay a lot for college.” Believe me I’m doing my best but frankly, staying up hours on end doing homework from all my classes and writing papers has really taken the life out of me.
That brings me to my second wish: please give me a will to live, or at least a little more energy to make it through the school year. I feel like every day is the same cycle of wake up, go to school, go home, eat, do homework until my eyes burn, and, if I’m lucky, sleep. You see I was cursed to be a procrastinator, and even now I am writing this letter to you at 3 in the morning with shaking hands from the abundance of caffeine in my system. Like every other person in the world, I struggle to accept the responsibility for certain things, and therefore I blame the public school system for my struggles and lacking the will to continue my studies. Getting an education is a big competition that I am struggling to keep up with.
Not that you really care about these problems because, well, you’re Santa and you’ve got a billion of other kids in the world to worry about. All I ask is that you at least consider these requests—it’d mean a lot to me. Since I’m asking for these things, I’d like to know if you’re you even capable of granting these wishes, or do you tend to stick to giving out materialistic presents because, honestly, those aren’t things that are actually going to drastically improve my life. Call me ungrateful but, like Art Buchwald once said, “the best things in life aren’t things.”
Oh, and world peace would be pretty neat too.