Dear Santa: We live in a society


Dylan Eguiluz, Staff Writer

Dear Santa,
This year all I want is for Christmas is to return to the good old days. Throw me back in time, back to the “dark ages” where all I had to worry about was the Bubonic plague and famine. I am aware this seems like a joke but it would be great to escape the claustrophobia of the information age. We live in hell; why should I make any effort to contribute towards society when I can just live like a hermit in my house and browse my computer all day. I used to work as a programmer at a software firm but all of the programmers were replaced by the very A.I. we developed. So now I trade e-currency from my room, like bitcoin and ethereum. I only leave the house when it rains— that way I can shower and save money on my water bill. All other necessities I can order online, since using my own car to leave and purchase them would cost too much gas. I met one of your elves while I was walking back from my shower last week. He was on the street asking for some spare change. He looked to be in a horrible condition: his red outfit was tattered, his shoes had holes in them, and he reeked of eggnog. I asked him how he got from the North Pole to California, and he had recounted that he was replaced by a robot. He used to build original sleds but apparently it was more economically sound to use robotic engineers. Your elf has been wandering around the country for weeks now. This incident made me realize that I want to live before the information age where I can only adhere to the feudal lords and give them half my crops. A simple and sound life.
Sincerely, Dylan