‘Bird Box’ just another boring survival film

Bailey Kirkeby, News Editor, Managing Editor, and Entertainment Columnist

In Dec. 2018, as I logged onto Netflix and prepared to continue watching “Shameless,” I was introduced to — as I would soon find out — the worst Christmas gift I have ever received: “Bird Box.”

Set in post-apocalyptic California, this alleged horror film begins with the movie’s star character, Malorie — played by Sandra Bullock — yelling at her two five-year-old children in a river. The scene then changes to a pregnant Malorie painting in her apartment, marked by the phrase “five years earlier.” Three minutes into the movie, there is already a critical mistake.

The rest of the movie takes place in a house that around 10 strangers entered for safety when the apocalypse began; now, they must survive. But here’s the thing. Our main character, Malorie, is the only character who shows even the slightest bit of personality. She’s the only character I would be upset about dying. If I already know Malorie is going to survive and inevitably leave the house alive, how can I be interested in watching more than 90 minutes of other characters sitting around and dying?

Surely if the film immediately reveals that the only character the viewers know and care about survives, the director would add some spicy, flavorful drama to liven up the otherwise boring survival plot. This is not the case.

Instead, the plot is painfully repetitive. A new person knocks on the door claiming to be a normal civilian in need of shelter. The original house dwellers are afraid the civilian might be one of the bad guys. They debate letting the person in. They let the person in. Something bad happens. Someone dies. Repeat.

Even though characters are dying, my fragile, compassionate heart was unable to feel, well, anything. As previously mentioned, Malorie is the only character that is given a personality; the film is crammed with far too many other characters that are all equally shallow.

Surprisingly, “Bird Box” received an overwhelming amount of social media hype with thousands of people praising the film and thousands of people sharing memes. I simply do not understand how such a dull movie received so much attention.

Yeah, yeah, I get that the film holds some deep, psychological meaning about motherhood. That’s great. But listen. Sometimes I just want to watch a compelling movie without analyzing the intricacies of motherhood and its many forms. Unfortunately, “Bird Box” does not fill that desire for me.