Dear Santa, Mathew Morrison must go


Gabriella Backus

Illustration by Gabriella Backus

Jasmine Castillo

Dear Santa,

Why oh why must you let Mathew Morrison strike again? With his terrifying role of William Shuestar in the hit teenage singing drama Glee and the uncomfortable mess that was Trevor Kirchner in the latest season of American Horror Story, the world is having a hard time escaping Mathew Morrison. Santa these characters alone bring too much distress to the world. I know thousands of people have shivered at the thought of Mathew Morrison and his acting. Speaking on a personal level, whenever I see Mathew Morrison, I can’t help but connect him to his characters. The other day, I merely saw an image of his face, and I suddenly got a terrifying flashback of William Schuester laughing while one of his students danced in what is best described as a provocative manner. This needs to stop now. I thought you of all people would make an effort to stop this from happening again, you know, since you try (emphasis on try apparently) to make children happy. Santa, you have failed….greatly. Mathew Morrison has now ruined Christmas. 

I have seen his face everywhere. From TikTok to the news, it is almost as if I can’t escape him. For some reason, all the suffering that people have endured this year is not enough. Matthew Morrison has found a way to ruin one of the frontrunning icons of Christmas….the Grinch. I would much rather have a lump of coal than see his horrific Grinch costume for the billionth time. His beady little eyes peer into my soul. It is almost as if the very pupils of all his sinister characters are facing me. His crooked fake smile makes me feel as though I am a dentist and he is the terrifying child who chomps on my precious soft fingers. His convoluted eyebrows maintain the shape of Satan’s fiery rug underneath the throne of hell. My eyes, heart and soul are scarred for life Santa. 

Santa, you could have saved us early on. Santa, you could have stopped everything. Santa, you could have been the last hope for 2020. It is far too late. Grinch the musical has been released. Now hundreds if not thousands of people will hear the most unforgettable sound in the universe. Mathew Morrison’s depiction of the Grinch involves the harming of millions of ears. His low, raspy, almost sexual tone is bound to disturb every single person on the planet.

I guess my Christmas wish is to die a slow and miserable death in order to escape Mathew Morrison once and for all.


Jasmine Castillo