Dear Santa: tell me everything will be okay


Gabriella Backus

Illustration by Gabriella Backus

Gavin Cardoza

Dear Santa, 

Every year for the last 3 years I’ve been asked to write a “Dear Santa” letter for this newspaper, and every year I perpetually f*** up in miserable attempts to be satirical or funny or heartfelt (which is why this is probably the first one you see under my name).  The truth is, I honestly don’t feel any of these things right now.  I feel like I did at one point, but it was an immature feeling then.  I honestly had no idea what I was doing, what I was thinking about, or where anything in my life was heading.  I guess with time, (as I’ve come to realize) everything will eventually change. 

As the years passed and I was growing and figuring out my own life , this pandemic went down.  Along with many others, it threw me off track in every way imaginable.  Maybe I didn’t process it right away, but then everything started sinking in after a while.  I legitimately thought of every worst case scenario, including weird nightmares about being on my deathbed in a McDonald’s employee lounge.  Along the way, I made some strange decisions, one being that I wanted to isolate myself from everyone as much as possible, despite companies and people encouraging everyone to connect virtually.  At the time, I thought this would help, but I soon realized that I couldn’t stand being alone.  I felt even more isolated than I already was.  I often got upset with everything going on around me because I felt like everything around me was being ripped away, one piece at a time, and the only thing I did was try to blame everyone else for misfortunes everyone in the entire world was facing.  I realized after that I wasn’t the only one who thought their future was going down the drain, or thought that their life would be forever lived out from hamster balls and facial coverings.  I guess the only thing I really want is some clarity.  That doesn’t imply by any means that I expect this pandemic to be over anytime soon.  It doesn’t matter what vaccines do or don’t get approved or what “eLeCtEd lEaDeRs” people think will fix everything with just the snap of their fingers, I completely expect life ahead of me to be one filled with overexaggerated safety precautions that will eventually not seem so overexaggerated. 

Like I said, the only thing I want is clarity.  I want to know that everything will be all right.  I want to know that everything will eventually be okay (that and an omen to remind me to never apply for a job at McDonald’s or Taco Bell). 


Gavin Cardoza