Dear Santa: I’m not letting a fat man sneak into my chimney


Josiah Morris

Dear Santa,

Please consider getting me a new dumbbell. The one I’m currently using is getting too light and I don’t feel like getting a new one because they cost too much. It’s only a piece of scrap. Why does it cost so much?

One day I was using my dumbbell and lifted it too fast and it smacked me right in the chin. I wasn’t expecting it to be that easy to lift, but it was and it hurt. From now on I’m going to use my other workout materials because my dumbbell is trash right now.

So you see, Santa, this is really urgent. I need a new dumbbell because if I keep using my current one my chin will be non-existent. But I don’t even know why I’m writing this letter; you’re not even real so I’m not expecting a new dumbbell anytime soon, because there’s no way I’m going Christmas shopping for a new dumbbell, and there’s absolutely no way I’m letting a fat man sneak into my chimney to give “me one thanks for nothing.”      


Josiah Duane Morris