The World Gone Wild: Falling in love with objects

The World Gone Wild: Falling in love with objects

Jasmine Santos, Editor-in-Chief & News Editor

Ah, Valentine’s Day, a day when the happily in love solidify their bonds and the rest of us are painfully reminded of our single status. But there are others of us that don’t seem to mind the loneliness at all.

There are people that are content to spend the day and relish their alone time with their beloved objects of desire. And by “objects of desire” I mean literal objects for whom these people have an affinity.

The phenomenon is called “object sexuality.” It is when a person feels an emotional and often romantic attraction toward inanimate objects.

According to the ever-so-reliable Internet encyclopedia Wikipedia, some object-sexual individuals believe in animism. In other words, they honestly believe that the object they have a fixation for can reciprocate whatever feelings they might have for it because the objects have souls, intelligence, emotions, and are able to communicate.

In the world, there have been a few recorded cases of real people marrying various objects, including pillows, Barbie dolls, steam locomotives, roller coasters, video game characters, miniature statues, and even the Eiffel Tower. Mrs. Erika Eiffel, yes that’s her legal name, holds lectures about her sexual orientation open to anyone and everyone who is willing to learn more about object sexuality.

But the strangeness doesn’t stop there.

I don’t know if this still counts as object sexualism or if it’s just plain old narcissism, but there is a man in China that married a life-sized cardboard cut-out of himself dressed in a red Chinese bridal gown.

I can’t picture their married life. I mean, do they sleep in one bed? Do they eat dinner together? Or… just what on earth could they do?

Anyway, these so-called ‘objectophiles’ have obviously found happiness with something that cannot physically talk or even move, so let’s not judge. If that is what makes them feel alive, then by all means, I cannot say anything more about it except that they probably had a blast introducing their significant others (objects?) to their parents.

I don’t know what’s more sad, the fact that these people actually fell in love with objects that, in  reality, cannot possibly love them back, or the fact that they’re probably happier on Valentine’s Day than most other single people and even some couples. But if they believe that it is genuine love, then who am I to stop them?