Let’s arm all our teachers — even Mr. Nincompoop
Karina, Fardmanesh
May 30, 2018
“Welcome to Anatommy class! Get it? Get it? Ana...tommy gun?” It is Tuesday morning and my teacher is being ridiculously annoying. He has not stopped with the gun puns. Like are you kidding me? Yesterday he whipped out his Glock, put it to Larry’s forehead, and whispered, “If I shoot you in...
Winning strategy to negotiate with Kim Jong Un: a mirror
Jasmin Prasad, Guest Writer
May 30, 2018
It has officially been announced that on June 12, 2018 the U.S. commander in cheeto will meet with Rocketman to discuss sustained denuclearization. Most presidents obtain their diplomatic achievements by speaking softly and carrying a big stick, however, leaks have indicated to us that none of his Chiefs...
‘Gay-borhoods’ and ‘gay-uillontines’ will eradicate this plague of homosexuality
Ryan Duff, Guest Writer
May 30, 2018
Any fellow Americans who are as loyal to this country as I am know that the past several years have seen advancements of the homosexual agenda which testify to the dying nature of our country. Time and time again the gays have made gains that continue to threaten the very ideals that this country was...
10 reasons why ‘white privilege’ doesn’t exist
Gabriella Backus, Editor
May 30, 2018
White privilege — the idea that, in the Western World, people who identify as white have a beneficial societal privilege that, due to institutional racism, undermines people of other races — has become a pillar of liberal thinking. Critics claim that privilege is a thing of the past, because raci...
Learn your love language
Dejonae Richards, Staff Writer
May 30, 2018
Filed under Feature
People like being loved in different ways; some prefer being told they’re beautiful over receiving a gift, while others simply enjoy spending time with their significant other more than kissing. These preferences help determine one’s love language. “My conclusion after many years of marriage...
Soulmates: a reality or just a romantic idea?
Serra Raquel, Entertainment Editor
May 30, 2018
Filed under Feature
For many people, life is driven by the search for an idealistic love story like that of a fairytale. A relationship destined by fate seems like the pinnacle of romance. The idea of “soulmates” originated from the Egyptian-Greek belief that humans once had two heads and eight limbs. In this form,...
Physical attraction necessary in initial stages of love — but loses importance over time
Helen Le, Editor-in-Chief
May 30, 2018
Filed under Feature
Everyone wants an attractive partner, but no one wants to admit that “good looks” might be the most important part of finding a significant other. People may be relieved to find out that looks actually do matter more than most may think. Physical looks are most commonly the first thing somebody...
Love can create an addictive-like high
Andrea Silveira, Staff Writer
May 30, 2018
Filed under Feature
Addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, exercising and other habits — healthy or not — have always plagued modern society. But one addiction has been around for centuries and is still a hot commodity: love. Love is something almost everyone is exposed to at a young age through mov...
Letter to My Freshman Self: Giancarlo Lizarraga
Giancarlo Lizarraga, Editor
May 30, 2018
Dear Freshman Self, When you first entered high school dealing with life was easy. Getting all A’s in your classes was a given, you managed to make a new batch of friends (you’ll be happy to know that those friends have stayed with you throughout all of high school), and, like always, you lack...
Letter to My Freshman Self: Lily Tran
Lily Tran, Editor
May 30, 2018
Dear Freshman Lily, My, my, how time flies. You’re about to graduate, Lily! It’s been an interesting four years. Of all the things I’ve learned over these four years, I’d say to expect the unexpected and keep an open mind. You never expected to be involved in a million extracurric...
Letter to My Freshman Self: Kaylanie Saldua
Kaylanie Saldua and Staff Writer
May 30, 2018
Dear Freshman Kaylanie, You’re probably high off of adrenaline from your sprint finish in the cross country meet. Enjoy it while it lasts because you’ll quit your sophmore year. Yeah, you didn’t get that four-year trophy like you hoped you would. Cross country wasn’t the only thing you quit. J...
Letter to My Freshman Self: Kylie Yamada
Kylie Yamada, Editor
May 30, 2018
Dear Freshman Kylie, Don’t worry. No other year is nearly as bad as freshman year. I’ll never understand how some people were happy when they first got to high school. 14-year-old Kylie was awkward, unhappy, isolated and lost. I remember coming to school every day nervous and full of d...
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